


I Just Wanted You

by Theyna_Shipper



Series: TlJ (And Post TLJ) "What-ifs" [4]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Post-TLJ, Really it just changes the ending, Redeemed Ben Solo, Sort Of, TLJ fix-it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-23
Updated: 2020-03-14
Packaged: 2021-02-22 16:27:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22852375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Theyna_Shipper/pseuds/Theyna_Shipper
Summary: One final Force bond connection before Rey reaches Crait makes her and Ben realize that both of them have been missing the big picture.Or, an edit to the end of TLJ and onwards that will hopefully be more satisfying for us Reylos.******ABANDONED WORK*******
Relationships: Background finnpoe, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: TlJ (And Post TLJ) "What-ifs" [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1653646
Comments: 15
Kudos: 44





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> At first I just wanted to write a fic where Rey and Ben kiss on the battlefield when everyone expects them to fight and everyone is just watching absolutely perplexed. Then this happened. 
> 
> Warning: it's been two years since I saw TLJ so I apologize for any and all innaccuracies.

The Falcon is on its way to the Resistance in Crait when Rey sees Ben again. He's not actually there, of course, but he might as well be. He is slumped on the floor, his back against the wall. He no longer looks engaged or agitated, just broken. He does not notice her right away. 

"What are you doing here?" she asks. 

He looks up at her. "You know I can't control this."

"Shouldn't this have stopped when Snoke died?"

He shrugs. "Maybe it's just an echo of his power. Maybe this is another of the things he lied about." He looks back at the floor. 

Rey turns back to the control panel, making a few adjustments and hoping that when she turns back around the bond will have severed and he will be gone. No such luck. 

His defeated posture and unfocused gaze confuse her. He's won, hasn't he?

"You did it. You have everything you want," she snaps at him, getting these emotions of her chest. He gazes back at her with soulful eyes. "You're the Supreme Leader now. The whole galaxy, in your hands. What more do you want?"

"I didn't want any of this." 

"What did you want, then, Ben?" She can't bear to go back to calling him by another name; she doesn't want to believe he is lost, despite all the evidence.

"I just wanted you."

 _Now you tell me? After you break my heart and good as abandon me? You wanted me?_ "Then why did you do it?" She steps closer. "Why did you offer me all that, if you didn't even want us to have it?"

He stands up, looking her in the eye. "It was everything I had to give you."

"What would I do with the whole galaxy, Ben? What were you thinking?"

"That whatever you wanted, it would be there somewhere."

Silence passes between them, but the Bond stubbornly refuses to cut off. Finally, Rey speaks again. 

"There is one thing you could still give me. One thing I want- that I've always wanted. That you can still bring." She wants him back, badly, whatever else she pretends. 

"I can't... I don't..." His eyes are wild, shocked, and unfocused. 

"You know what it is."

He doesn't move closer, but she can feel his presence more strongly, as if he is actually on the ship with her. "I'll come back for you," he promises quietely. 

Before she can respond, the Bond finally falls apart, leaving Rey standing alone and stunned in the halls of the Falcon, and Ben shocked yet hopeful in a First Order ship. 

*******************

"We're getting a transmission from the Millenium Falcon," Rose says. 

Finn and Leia rush over to watch as it decodes. Rey is telling them not to engage the First Order troops unless absolutely necessary, that she has a plan. 

"General?" asks one of the admirals. "What are we going to do?"

"Hold off any attack efforts. I trust Rey."

"D'you think she found Luke? Brought him with her?" Finn asks. 

"I don't know, Finn" Leia says. "We just need to trust Rey. And the Force."

The tension in the hideout is palpable as they await the arrival of the Falcon. The Order does not yet attack, and the Resistance stays put. Just as they wonder if Rey is ever actually coming, the Falcon appears on the horizon. It makes landfall on Crait, and for some reason, the First Order ships ignore it. Leia, Finn, Rose, and Poe all go a to a vantage point from which to watch Rey, while the rest stay in the base. 

Rey disembarks from the Falcon, a short distance away from where the Order is. 

"What's she doing?" Poe asks. "Does she even have a weapon?"

The lightsaber is still in two halves on the Falcon. 

A few moments later, Kylo Ren, unmasked and with is cape whipping furiously behind him, emerges and begins to walk towards Rey. They watch with bated breath as she holds her ground, seemingly unfazed by the (unactivated) saber in his hands. 

************************

Rey is, at least, not blasted out of the sky upon entering the atmosphere. She wonders what Ben had to tell the Order to convince his troops to hold back. She leaves the broken saber on the ship, and declines Chewie's offer of a blaster. 

Her footprints are red in the salt. She hopes both Resistance and Order can see her. 

Then Ben appears. He has the same look in his eyes as when they fought the praetorian guard together. Fierce, passionate, and... something else. 

He stops a few feet from her, setting his saber down on, leaving a red cross on the ground. 

"Ben," she whispers, a thousand emotions at once passing through her voice. 

He lowers himself to one knee in front of her. "Rey."

************************

From the distance they might expect him to start an attack, he instead drops his weapon and falls to his knees in front of Rey. 

"What's going on?" Rose asks. Finn shakes his head, perplexed. 

Leia watches with a thoughtful face, not answering. 

*************************

"I'm sorry," he says. "For everything."

"When you offered me your hand. You offered me everything you thought I could possibly want. But I felt more alone- the one thing I never wanted to feel. You told me I wasn't alone."

"I was a fool, Rey. Blinded by the Dark. You made me see the Light."

"You still left me. When I tried to take the saber. What made you come back this time?"

"Seeing your face. Seeing you hurt."

Rey doesn't respond. She wants to be angry, but he looks so vulnerable, so brutally honest. She _wants_ to believe him.

"If I offered you my hand again- would you take it?"

"What would you expect me to take with it?"

"Just me." He lifts his head and slowly looks up at her. "Just us."

She looks down at him, holding out his hand, devotion and desperation in his eyes. Him kneeling before her, extending his hand- it looks like another sort of ritual. Like a proposal. And in a way it is a proposal- just not quite of that sort. 

********************

"What is he doing? Is he surrendering?"

"Why would he be surrendering to Rey, and not the Resistance leaders?"

"Can anyone tell what they're saying. 

There's something striking about his posturing, kneeling in front of Rey and offering his hand. Were it not for the utter ridiculousness of such a thing, they would almost look like lovers. 

********************

"General Hux, what is he doing?" asks an order officer.

"Unclear. But hold your fire. He may yet bring the girl to our side."

*******************

In that instant, Rey sees Ben Solo as he really is. He is lonely. He wants to be loved and accepted. He wants to belong. All things he sought from the Dark Side, all things it failed to give him.

She could be talking about herself. 

Rey extends her hand. At first it is only their fingertips that brush, as they did in the hut an Ach-To. But this time they continue, and their hands firmly clasp. Ben stares at their interlocked hands, with wonder and awe. Slowly he pulls himself to his feet. 

"This is all you had to offer me, Ben," Rey says. 

She slides her hand up his arm, wraps it around his neck. He places his hands against her back.

She pulls herself towards him, and places a passionate kiss on his lips, holding him tightly and not letting go. 

*********************

" _Please_ tell me this is some Force ritual I don't understand," Poe says incredulously. 

"It's not," Leia tells him with a knowing smile, watching her son being pulled to the Light through Rey's grace. 

"I- OK, then," Rose gasps.

*********************

Rey pulls away for a moment, but missing the feel of his lips on hers, pulls him in for another kiss. He returns it eagerly. 

********************

"General?"

"FIRE!" Hux orders. 

The Order troops began to fire upon the pair. But without separating, their Force blocks all the bullets before they come close. Both sides stare incredulously at the tableau.

*******************

Finally, the pair pulls apart, and the Order's bullets, trapped in the air, explode in an ironically beautiful shower of sparks. 

"I thought I didn't belong," Rey gasped. "Anywhere."

"Neither did I," Ben whispered. "But I belonged in your arms."

"We belonged in each other's."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Kudos and comments are very much appreciated. If this is well-received, I will write more!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey is ready to receive Ben again. The Resistance is not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the encouragement! Without it, I would probably not be writing a second chapter. This fic's update status is still in the balance so my apologies if I abandon it as WIP at some point. Til then, please enjoy!

Everyone watched in utter perplexity as the two enemies kissed passionately on the battlefield. Those few Order members who saw them together on the Supremacy were slightly less shocked, but the last time anyone else had seen the two together, they'd been locked in a bloody duel on Starkiller, and Rey had left him facedown in the snow. For kriff's sake, he still had the scar on his face.

But now they were staring at each other like they were the only thing that mattered in the world. Rey brushed Ben's wind-whipped hair out of his face in order to drink it in. Laughter- actual _laughter_ \- bubbled in her throat as she pressed their foreheads together. A small, but very real smile creased his face. 

But they're exposed, out there on the salty plain, and the order is probably already planning how to come after them and the Resistance. 

"We need to evacuate the Resistance," Rey says urgently. 

"I can't go with you. I'll be shot on sight," Ben insists. 

She shakes her head. "Not if the right people see. At the very least, they'll ask questions first and shoot later. That's my kindness than Hux would treat you with. Please, Ben, I won't let anything happen to you."

He sighs. "I trust you with my life, Rey."

She turns to the Falcon and gives a nod to Chewie, whom she knows is watching. The Falcon flies towards the rebel base, this time pursued by First Order fire, which it evades. 

"He'll go before us, warn them," Rey explains. She kisses him on the cheek. "Come on."

Unwillingly, Ben removes his hands from her waste, and they run off hand-in-hand to an entrance in the cliffside. 

As they slide in, a young Resistance volunteer, no older than 16, approaches them. Rey opens her mouth to say something, to explain, but then she sees the other girl's blaster rising up, her finger shaking on the trigger. 

It's as if it's happening in slow motion. A moment ago, not even the FO's entire weapons stock could touch them. But this small, outdated blaster in the hands of a scared teenager takes them by surprise. Ben shoves Rey to the side, out of the path of the bullet, but neither of them had time to block it.

The bolt strikes him, and he falls to the ground. 

_"No!"_ Rey hears herself scream. The next thing she knows, she has the girl pinned to the wall with the Force, gun on the floor. 

The girl is shaking, veins in her neck pulsing. Rey breathes heavily, keeping her hand extended. Her mind is burning with shock and upset. _She hurt Ben._

"REY!" A shout from behind her brings her to her senses. She turns around to see Leia and Finn, and a couple other Resistance members following close behind. She lets the girl fall to the floor and kneels next to Ben's prone form. 

The bullet only hit his thigh, thank goodness. But it's bleeding a lot, making Rey panic. She presses her hands to the wound in an attempt to slow the bleeding. It soaks into the wraps on her arm, staining the worn grey fabric. It's warm and sticky between her fingers.

"He needs medical attention," Rey gasps, not caring who hears. Chewie growls soothingly next to her. 

She lets the Wookie pick him up and carry him away. Ben i at least six feet, but he looks so small and fragile. 

She snaps her head to her friends. "We need to evacuate the Resistance. Now."

***********************

With the help of a group of crystalline foxes, the Resistance finds a pass off Crait, and a barely-occupied base on a planet called Ajan Kloss makes contact, inviting them to land. The ships began to head this way. 

Rey is washing her hands on the Falcon, watching his blood trickle down the drain. Med-droids are attending to him now, and had forced Rey to leave the room, to give herself some air.

"Rey?" Finn says, "Rey, what happened out there?"

Under different circumstances, she would have rejoiced to see him again- he'd been comatose when she'd left to find Luke. But Rey was in no mood to face an interrogation, even from her best friend. 

"It's complicated. I don't want to talk about it right now."

"Rey, I just want to help. If he's getting inside your head-"

"He's not inside my head!" Rey snaps. "I brought him here. We killed Snoke together."

"That was _you_?" Finn asks incredulously. "We heard rumors, but-"

"What did the rumors say?"

"That you'd killed Snoke, that you dueled Kylo Ren and left him for dead on the _Supremacy_. A lot of stuff."

"They missed some of the finer points."

Silence passes between them.

"So... um... did you find Luke Skywalker?" Finn asks. 

"Yes. I was on Ach-To with him until about a day ago." She presses her head against the wall. Had it really been only a day?

"And did he... teach you?"

"Some. He wasn't necessarily eager."

"And you left- and flew to the _Supremacy_ and brought Kylo Ren here?"

"I said I don't want to talk about it."

Finn looks like he wants to say more, but just R2 comes to tell them that she can see Ben now. Rey throws down the towel she's been drying her hands on and runs to the room on the Falcon where he is staying. Leia is waiting outside.

Rey quietly pushes open the door. He is lying, unconscious, on a cot that is too small for his tall frame. She sits down on the edge and holds his head in her lap. A few weeks ago, she had hated him, her worst enemy. Then, slowly, she'd come to understand him and see something more in him. Then he'd left her feeling disappointed and angry, only to fill her with fresh hope. Now she'd destroy armies for him. 

"You two. What happened?" Leia asks softly. The question is somehow less penetrating than Finn's. 

"It started on Ach-To. A little bit after I arrived," Rey says. "I started- seeing him. Through the Force."

"Like dreams? Visions?"

Rey shook her head. "It was like he was there, in the room with me. It was in real-time. We could see each other, talk to each other... even touch..." Her voice falters. "At first, we just fought. But I kept seeing him. And Ben Solo started to shine through the cracks." She brushes hair from his face, tracing her fingers along his scars. "I suppose you never heard why he finally left Luke."

Leia shakes her head, and Rey tells her the stories, both the one from Ben and the one from Luke, about that night at the Jedi temple. When she finishes, Leia has tears in her eyes, staring sadly at her broken son. 

"When Ben told me, I... I confronted Luke about it."

"Did Luke know about the connection?"

Rey shakes her head. "Not until the last night I was there. He came, saw us when- I'd reached out to Ben through the Bond."

"You said you could touch?"

Rey nods. She leaves out the part about the cave of mirrors. "I gave him my hand." Such a simple gesture, that had unfolded worlds before their eyes. "Then Luke saw us. He thought I was communing with the dark side, cut Ben off." She sighs. "I was angry. I chased after him, confronted him about Ben. He told me what I told you."

"And you went to Ben?"

"Yes. To the Supremacy." She tells a simplified version of their battle against Snoke and his guards. She does not mention Kylo Ren's offer to her. "I couldn't stay," she said simply. "On my way here, I saw him one more time. He convinced me to come speak with him... you saw the rest."

Leia smiles sadly. "Han. Luke. Even me. We all saw the darkness in him. But you saw the light."

"Do you know anything about the bond?"

Leia shook her head. "Sometimes, Luke and I... in desperate moments, we've been able to speak. But nothing this powerful."

Rey nods and looks back down at Ben. Silence fills the room for a few minutes. Then Ben slowly becomes to come to.

"Rey..." he groans quietly.

"I'm here, Ben," she whispers, stroking his face. Leia gets up to leave.

"You don't want to...?" Rey asks. 

"Not right now," Leia whispers.

"Ask questions first, shoot later hm?" Ben says, smirking weakly. 

Rey laughs softly. "Don't say I told you so," she scolds. "How are you feeling?"

"Been better. Been worse. Did the Resistance evacuate?"

"Yes," she says. "We made it out OK."

"Which means we're on..."

"The Falcon," Rey confirms.

He sighs. "Of course."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't quite remember what the foxes did in TLJ so apologies if I'm woefully wrong.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the feedback! This fic will likely be long and convulated so buckle up! Update schedule currently unclear.

It hadn't occurred to Rey how Ben might react to coming back to his father's ship, how he might not be ready for these memories. 

He sits up, despite the wound in his leg. 

"Ben," she chides, "Ben, calm down." She tries to pull him back down to the cot. 

He ignores her. "I always hated this damn ship."

"That's not true," Rey says. She pictures a young Ben, running up and down the halls of the Falcon, his parents watching him with cautious amusement. 

"No," he agrees. "It's not. If it were, everything would be easy." He swings his legs over the side of the cot, and she wonders how his leg isn't bothering him more. "I used to love it."

She scoots next to him. "What changed?"

"It was another things for my family to care for that wasn't me."

Rey wants to make him feel less alone, but she feels like her words can't penetrate the shields he puts up around himself. "They wanted to care for you. They just didn't know how."

He looks away from her, standing up. 

"Ben, your leg-" She catches his him by his shoulders as he falls, lowering him back onto the cot. "You need rest."

"You want me walking to prison?" he asks. 

"Don't talk like that."

"I don't see another outcome, sweetheart."

Rey's not sure she like the nickname- it seems insincere. But she lets it go for now. He is tired, and hurt. 

"I promise I won't let them do anything to you," she says. "We'll be together. Now please, just get some sleep." He lies down, and she leaves him be.

*************************

It's not long before she has to talk to Finn again. His friends, the pilot Poe and a mechanic named Rose are on the Falcon with them, and cautiously skirt Rey. But when all the chaos subsides, and they're both over their argument, Finn finds Rey alone. 

"Can I have an explanation?" he asks quietly. He's not mad. He never stays mad. 

"I'll let you know when I have one." The two laugh weakly, but it doesn't cut the tension. "There's more to him than what we've seen, Finn."

"Even if there is, how did you find that out?"

"It's complicated?" She sighs. "The Force connected us while I was on Ach-To. Allowed us to speak. Showed me the conflict inside him."

"What were you guys _talking_ about that led to-" he gestures vaguely- "This?"

" _This_ ," she returns, imitating his gesture, "I won't explain. I just need someone to trust me right now."

He sighs, looking torn. "I trust you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, it's short. I'm sorry! I promise the next chapters will be longer.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lied. This chapter is also short. I would be sorry but as it is I'm apathetic and tired. I'm sorry.

Two weeks. Rey’s only been waiting two weeks for things to calm down, or work out, or to find a way for this to work. Somehow. 

And two weeks is enough to tell us that it never will. The past is too full, too convoluted, too established. The future is too many-layered, too uncertain. The present is purely exhausting. 

So she makes the decision: to spare him, to spare everyone else’s nerves, to spare her own sanity. 

They are going to run away. 

It’s rash, and wild, and more than a little foolish, but Rey can’t stand it anymore. Because she loves him, and the world hates him, and he’s just- lost. Goodness knows _this_ environment isn’t helpful. 

She only takes what she needs. Some clothes, blankets, the necessities, shoved in a duffel. 

“Running away?” 

Rey snaps her head around to see the mechanic Rose Tico. 

“What if I am?”

The other girl is smiling, shaking with- _laughter_.

“Something funny?”

“Just- déjà-vu.” She shakes her head. “It shouldn’t be funny.”

“Déjà-vu?” 

“Finn didn’t tell you, did he?”

_I was this close to leaving. But she convinced me to stay._

“Some. Not the details.”

“Am I going to have to taze you too, or are you going to talk to me?”

Rey evades. “He didn’t mention the tazing.” 

Rose snorts. “‘Course not. Why are you running away?”

There’s no point in denying it, not with a go-bag in her hand. “It’s best this way. Trust me.”

“I’ve only just met you.”

“Then just go by my stunning reputation.” 

“Is it about… him?”

Rey sighs. “Of course it is. I just want to _live._ I want to be free.”

“We’re at war, Rey. You think running away from it all will be a way to live?”

“Yes. Yes, I do. The war is just a bloody power jostle. It doesn’t have anything to do with me, or my life. Anyways, what help could I be of?”

“Every person counts.”

“Not a person who sows as much trouble as I seem to. I couldn’t convince Luke Skywalker to come back. Now I’ve forced another ‘ally’ on you that no one wants. Just let me run away, free all of us.”

“I’m not you, but I don’t see how that’s freedom.”


End file.
